Two months as I live in London coming from post-soviet countries

It’s been roughly two months in London. Getting used to a new country, changing apartments, looking for a permanent one which is like launching a rocket ship here, studying, looking for a second job, a second education, coping with anxiety, traveling, helping Ukraine, going to protests, failing and going back to sports, finding new services and stores for usual needs.

This city has very a high rhythm even though everyone’s talking about mental health and work-life balance. I tell you what — no one can do it. All I see and hear everyone is struggling with burnout and lack of free time. A time when you do just nothing.

It seems that even when Londoners are walking a dog they do it on purpose to clear their head and go back to work, achieve goals, and be better versions of themselves.

Sure it can be my personal bias — things I pay attention to. Because in the UK usually, no one looks at you and no one cares about you (I mean in a good way). It’s me, coming from Georgia — I look at people, I try to understand them, study them. Because they are different.

I always thought that human behavior was supposed to be like in London but I’ve never experienced that before. And I specifically named London because in other parts of the UK it is different.

So firstly they don’t stare at you, there are a lot of government ads in the subway about starring or touching people being a sexual assault. The government here teaches you how to behave in society. Mostly Londoners are quiet, modest, calm people but not when it’s Queen’s celebration, these days they go nuts.

Secondly, if you have a problem they genially try to help you, find a way, and check on you later. You feel safe and caring, you don’t expect something bad to happen to you. You don’t recheck everything because people usually don’t lie or try to scam you.

Thirdly, parks are parts of the city. When I say this I want you to get a picture that every 100 metres there is a park big or small. It’s green the whole year, and it has all sorts of animals: ducks, guises, squirrels, and different types of birds.

So if everything is so good why the fuck do I struggle going to sleep every night, having increased anxiety, irritation, and lack of energy?

I don’t know but I also feel bad talking about my problems. I’ve heard what my friends from Ukraine have been through — literally life-threatening situations. My problems compared to them feel unimportant.

One of my gals talked about fleeing to America through Mexica, being pregnant and alone, and crossing the border on foot. And now being a mom in a country where she knows nobody and is away from home and family.

It gives you perspective on your life. You understand how fucking privileged you are that you have time worrying about «your way», how to improve your career, or looking through 50 apartments to find the perfect one.

In London, you live like on a happy island where the news is mostly about the weather. It’s so easy to forget here about Ukrainians’ struggle for their lives every day. I don’t want to forget, I don’t want to take for granted what I have.

I don’t know what to do here with my anxiety and insomnia I didn’t have it in Georgia. And it’s not homesickness or something, I don’t miss Ukraine, Russia, or Georgia. I’ve never wanted live there. But I have friends to whom I like talking even by phone.

It’s more like in London stakes are higher and you don’t have room to fail. Because if you fail you will have no place to live, no food to eat (everything is too expensive). So you need to stick here, build a foundation, be better than other on the job market, come up with better ideas, and better execution because they speak better than you, they had a better education than you, rich parents who can support them.

The good thing is they don’t have your experience, your tolerance for tough situations, your work ethic, your desire, or your hunger to live a better life.

Anyway, I know it won’t last forever. For now, I’ll just keep going, maybe with a lower speed. I want to be, and be strong for those who need help now, who were less lucky, and struggled more.